


I'm the Boss

by cutielemon07



Series: What Really Happened at 10 Downing Street [1]
Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - 20th-21st c., Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: BBC News, Crack, Crank calling president obama, Gen, Hallucinogenic drugs, Politicians gone wild, Totally Fictional, comedy yo, world leaders gone wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutielemon07/pseuds/cutielemon07
Summary: David Cameron has his first interview in 10 Downing Sreet since the Coalition Tory/Lib-Dem government was formed. It just happens to be with Huw Edwards of the BBC. And David just happens to publicly self destruct while asserting his authority.





	

David shuffled in his seat. Huw Edwards was unrelenting in his questions and it was making the new Prime Minister nervous. 

"So Mr Cameron, would it be fair to say then that you are in charge of this country?" 

Finally! An easy question! 

"Yes! Absolutely!" David said with no hesitation. "Clegg has no say whatsoever in what I do to this country!"

"Okay." Huw cleared his throat, clearly not satisfied with the answer, but letting it drop all the same. "Then why don't you tell us what a day in the life of David Cameron is like, now that you've become the Prime Minister." 

"I'll tell you. And I won't skimp on the juicy stuff."

"I should hope not." Huw chuckled nervously. 

"Well, my day usually starts off, usually that is, I talk to my Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg." David said. 

"Of course." Huw nodded. 

"Then I have a read through of all the spending cuts my party has made., you know, review them all."

"Okay." Huw seemed satisfied with that answer. 

"And then I approve them." David said. 

"What? _All_ of them?" Huw asked incredulously. 

"Yes, all of them, try to keep up." David said impatiently. 

"Bit harsh, isn't it?" Huw asked, clearly trying to press on the issue.

"Yes, but when you're the leader of the Conservative Party, there's one thing you need to do and that's lead the Conservative Party." David shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Well, I suppose-"

"Damn right." David snapped. "It's critically important that I remember important anniversaries like St Andrew's Day and 9/11-and who can remember what day _that_ is year after year?" He scoffed and shook his head. 

"Um. Everyone." Huw said. "It's on the eleventh of September year in, year out."

"Okay, but when you're in the House of Commons most of the day and blagging your way through synergy-whatever the hell that is-every single bloody day, it messes with your head, you know?" David asked, clearly pining for sympathy. 

"I can imagine-"

"But of course, being the Prime Minister has its perks. I have a private bathroom the size of my living room and it has a solid gold toilet." David said with a completely straight face. He wasn't joking about the toilet. 

"I can see how that would be beneficial." Huw agreed. 

"Absolutely. Being the Prime Minister isn't all about work, synergy and solid gold toilets though."

"No, of course it isn't."

"I have to give press conferences and interviews-like this one." David shrugged. "And I have to..." He trailed off before letti out a low grunt. "Damn it! I have to call Sarkozy! Damn! Tonight!"

"For what reason?" Huw pressed. "To arrange a G20 summit?" 

David looked at Huw as if he'd suddenly grown three extra heads and a tail. "What? No! It's pizza night!" He announced. 

Then it was Huw's turn to look at David with the same exact expression. "... What?"

David nodded. "We're going to watch an hour of Degrassi on MTV. Then we're going to watch the World Cup."

"... What?" Huw repeated.

"But during half-time I have these ultra important faxes to send off." 

"Why not do it before? If they're that important?" Huw asked. 

"Because I need to call Obama beforehand." 

"Ah. To arrange a G20 summit? Or... Pizza night?" Huw asked cautiously.

"Neither. It's a crank call." David said casually.

"You crank call President Obama?" Huw asked. 

"Yeah. It'll be so funny, I'll end up laughing my own arse off." David chuckled. 

"How do you know it'll be funny?"

"I do it all the time!" David said, his inflection raising slightly. "Each time it just gets funnier. Like when I said I was the hospital calling because his daughters Sasha and Malia were dead and horribly mangled in a car crash. I actually had Clegg speaking because Barack would have recognized my voice. But it was hilarious."

Huw looked at the Prime Minister in horror. How could he find something like _that_ funny?!

"I'll tell you what else is funny-bagels." David said. "Why do they look like donuts but without sprinkles and they have sesame seeds?" He laughed heartily.

Huw looked at the Prime Minister in confusion. He'd gone from crank calling America's president and telling him his daughters were dead to laughing at sesame seeds on bagels.

David simply used his Blackberry to call a number and held it up to his ear. "I'm talking to Obama now." He giggled. 

Huw simply gave a sheepish nod. 

"Hey there, Obummer!" David put on a fake southern accent. It was terrible, even by his standards. "It's me, Ted Nugent. I'm going to come up to the White House and personally murder all your family in front of you by blowing their brains out, starting with your youngest daughter. Don't you dare touch my guns from my cold dead hands. I'm one-upping Charlton Heston! Also, I want a marriage certificate to say I can marry my favourite gun-she's an AK-47 called Betsy and she's beautiful. I believe every man should have the right to marry his guns. Okay. Bye." David spoke, pausing every now and then to allow the President to speak. He hung up immediately and checked the Internet as quickly as he could. "Ted Nugent is already trending on Twitter. As is the hashtag #righttomarrymygun. Excellent." 

"That's awful!" Huw said. 

"No. I wanted this." David declared.

"That's pathetic." Huw's tone dropped.

"Can you excuse me for a moment?" David asked. 

"Of course." Huw nodded. 

David stood up and walked out of the room. He was gone for around thirty seconds before he came back, looking a little different than before. Huw just couldn't put his finger on it though. 

"Were you arranging a G20 summit?" Huw asked. 

"No I... Just went to plant some shrooms in Clegg's desk." David said. "He works uh, next door." 

"Why would you do that?" Huw asked. 

"Because I did. I would have tipped off the cops if they hadn't all mysteriously disappeared before the drawer closed." 

Suddenly it hit Huw like a ton of bricks. The Prime Minister was acting oddly because he had been eating hallucinogenic Magic Mushrooms. 

"I'm still going to blame it on Clegg. The phone call from Ted Nugent, I mean. If Obama calls back. I blame a lot of things on Clegg." David said. 

"Yes." Huw nodded. He was unsure of what to say. 

"Hey, you! Journalist! You want a Maccies?" David asked.

"No thank you. Are you going to talk about the G20 summit or not?" Huw asked

"Christ, dude! What _is_ it with you and G20 summits?" David asked irritatedly.

"That's what this interview was supposed to be about." Huw said slowly.

"Oh." David nodded exaggeratedly and chuckled. "I thought it was because I banged that hooker in a disabled stall at that Burger King."

"No it's-" Huw paused. "W-You did that?!"

"Uh... Noooo...?" David said. It sounded more like a question, however. "It's probably the drugs talking."

"You did consume the Magic Mushrooms then?" Huw asked. 

"I am Cybertron! Leader of the Optimus Primes and the Voltrons!!" David announced, suddenly standing up in his chair. "I'm flying! Just like Batman!" He jumped off the chair and landed on his belly. 

"Mr Prime Minister?" Huw asked in concern. 

"I'm dead!" David wailed. "No! Who will wake Captain Antarctica from Iron Man now?!" 

Huw sighed. He saw no point in staying so he got up to leave, leaving the crying Prime Minister to roll about on the floor. 

"See to it that the Prime Minister gets medical help." Huw muttered to a member of David Cameron's security detail before he left 10 Downing Street all together. 

Still, at least it hadn't been a _complete_ waste of a day for Huw Edwards. No. He'd witnessed the Prime Minister go off the deep end. That was his reward.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was like... 16 for a simple reason-to entertain my classmates. I'd type them up in English and Welsh and pin them around the sixth form common room.  
> Recently, I found it on my memory stick all these years later. (I really need to clean that out actually.) There are so many of these little writings about the coalition government that it's worth it to release them as one shots.


End file.
